He's Not There
by FeistyFeist
Summary: Sodapop leaving was only the beginning. The Vietnam War takes its toll as Darry Curtis struggles to hold on to his remaining brother, while remembering what he's lost in the process.
1. Chapter 1

_Probably a depressing as hell short story. Vietnam fic. Enjoy._

OoO

His boss hands him a stack of folded papers. Missed messages. Darry scrubs a hand down his grizzled face as he sees the name of the caller. His boss rattles off the list of upcoming projects but Darry barely hears him.

Darry glances at his cracked watch. Hopes all is okay at home.

OoO

"I called you," his brother says.

Darry stands at the stove and turns the burner on high. "I'm sorry, kiddo. I got held up at work." Evaluating the contents of their cupboards, Darry opts for spaghetti, pulling back the lid, and dumping a can of sauce in the pan.

"I called you five times."

Darry lowers the heat, ready to get into whatever his brother wants. Anything Ponyboy wants to say, Darry will listen. Not too long ago, Pony wouldn't talk. And so, now, if Ponyboy wants to wax philosophic about the weather, the tedium of life, why the sky is blue, Darry will wait in silence for his words. Darry would do anything for this one kid.

When he turns around Ponyboy is gone.

OoO

Darry remembers last year. He'll always remember when Soda got his draft notice. How Soda accepted it, rational, though frightened. Darry expected Ponyboy to break down then and there but he didn't. To his credit, Ponyboy put up a fight and when it came time for Soda to go he rallied too.

Darry didn't see it until six months ago but Pony was the one who held them together when Soda was gone. Pony was the anchor when Darry couldn't be.

Being blind to it was his first mistake.

OoO

Darry remembers Soda told the two of them to take care of each other. And Pony had tried. Darry was busy and afraid. He was short when he shouldn't have been. Nagged but only because he wanted Pony home on time and safe. Pony would ask him to go to a movie and Darry would brush him off, counting on Two-Bit too many times to act as a distraction. Darry had bills to pay and mouths to feed.

If Darry didn't talk, and move fast, and work hard, then life would fly by; as if he could speed up Soda's homecoming by living life textbook.

Darry's shortness was really fear but Pony didn't know. Still, the kid kept on his best face while Darry kept his brother in his own periphery. Without meaning to, he unconsciously shut Ponyboy out. Pony was so willing to help. To try and talk. But Darry didn't hear him until Soda was really gone and by then it was too late.

OoO

The sauce is still bubbling when Pony returns.

"Darry," Ponyboy says and his green eyes are big, wide and serious, reminding Darry of when Pony used to be a kid. Before life started to hurt him. When he was young, just 12, maybe 13. When he had people around who didn't leave him.

Pony holds a shaky hand out, whiteness clutched. He has that look from six months ago, vacant, and it frightens Darry.

"What's this?" Darry asks, taking the letter. Nothing good comes from a letter and he looks into his brother's frightened eyes. Pony doesn't say anything so Darry opens the folded paper. He reads. His heart hurts.

"No," Darry says simply. "No."

Pony's a week away from turning 18. The letter sent early. This can't happen. Not again.

"What do I do?" Pony asks, his face pale white. White like that night Two-Bit found him. "What do I do, Darry?" Pony's voice rises, high and shaky. Darry sticks a hand out. Pony's better but he's still held together by a thin rope.

Darry makes him sit down before he falls down.

OoO

Darry remembers saying goodbye. The hardness of the hug, the warmth, the shaking bones. He squeezed Soda and when they pulled away, neither of them was crying. Instead his brother looked like stone. And when Darry said, "Come home to us," Soda had replied, "You know I will."

OoO

They want to take him. His last, remaining brother.

Soda's MIA. Somewhere, probably dead (though he'd never voice this to Ponyboy), in the jungles of Vietnam and Ponyboy's just barely gotten his sanity back. Darry's just barely gotten his legs back. Then _this_ letter comes. Darry wants to ask them just who in the hell do they think they are but he has no voice. This happens to everyone. He's no different. Thousands of boys dead. The war swallowing them and their screams up.

It's why he avoids the news. Darry hasn't read the paper in months. It's the reason he watches his youngest brother with wary fear. He just got Ponyboy back. Mind whole and finally clear.

If only Pony had applied to college. If only he hadn't sat out a semester because of Sodapop.

Because of Soda.

Soda.

OoO

"I'll figure something out."

"There's nothing to figure out," Pony says. Whispers. "Nothing."

"You should eat," Darry says. The spaghetti's cold now. It doesn't matter. They both need food.

"I'm not hungry."

"Pony, you can't—"

"I'm _not_, Darry."

Darry looks at his brother. Pony glances at a spot over Darry's head. "It's slow," he says.

"What is?"

"The clock," Pony says strangely. "It's five minutes slow."

Darry shoves the plate over, trying to ignore what's just happened. "Eat, Pony. I'll fix the clock."

OoO

Darry remembers Ponyboy's hope. Before Soda was declared missing. How Pony would reread the letters from Sodapop over and over again until they began to fray and tatter. Soda's letters to Pony were always different than the ones Darry received. They were still honest just not dark. Even in his letters to Darry Soda stayed upbeat. Positive. Darry couldn't tell if his brother was affected. He didn't know what scared him more.

OoO

After dinner, after Pony's gone to bed, Darry slips into Pony's bedroom. He watches that moving, breathing bundle of blankets. He does this often. Standing in the darkness, keeping his brother in his sights.

Darry's got guilt. These days, Darry just exists. He lives for Ponyboy. Because without him his life means nothing. He only has one left.

OoO

It's like a game now...trying to survive, to get them through to the end. There was once a time when Darry was good at it. Making lunches, working two jobs, calming nightmares, but now his life is so much more. A direction he got lumped with. And that was the easy part—after his parents. Sure, it was hard dealing with two teenagers but he never expected the death. So much death. Ponyboy's lost his mind and Darry has to keep it together. Keep them together. It's his turn.

OoO

Darry remembers when Steve went, following Soda to a place none of them could imagine. They drove him to the airport and before Steve boarded the plane, Ponyboy wrapped his arms around his waist and hugged him. Steve swore but he hugged the kid back just as hard.

OoO

Darry doesn't have many people to ask their opinion but he does have one who is still around.

His friend pulls out a chair and sits. They don't do this much. They see each other often but it's casual or when he's visiting the kid. The kid. All they call him now. The one left. They went from seven to four. And if you _really_ count Steve, there's just the three of them.

Darry hands him a beer, and bones creaking, sits across from him. Darry shows Two-Bit the letter. Two-Bit's eyes get big and angry. "Send him away," Two-Bit says the minute he finishes reading. He crumples the notice in his fist. "Send him away now."

Darry's never seen his oldest friend this serious. Sickened, lights dimmed in those grey eyes of his. Two-Bit meets his eyes. He doesn't flinch. None of them do anymore. "Not after Soda," Two-Bit says. "Not Pony."

Two-Bit is right. Darry knows this. He'll protect his brother. Darry means this protection. It's just him and Ponyboy and he means to keep it like that. He can't lose another one. Never.

"He's gotta run," Two-Bit says. "You gotta make him, Darrel."

The words make Darry want to throw up. Because he doesn't think Ponyboy will. "I'll try, Two-Bit," Darry says. "I gotta talk some sense into him but I don't know if he'll listen." _Especially these days_, he wants to add, but doesn't.

"Then hurt him," Two-Bit says, reading Darry's unsaid words, and this catches Darry's attention. "Hurt him if you have to. If he won't go. Not bad. Just enough to keep him here. Keep him alive."

OoO

Darry remembers. He'll always remember when Soda's letters faded. Cut off abruptly, like a faucet stopped. Pony kept writing. Worrying. Finally, they got a call. The man on the phone who told them Soda had gone MIA. Lost over in Vietnam. Better than dead, the man had offered as a condolence. Darry wanted to reach through the phone and strangle him.

OoO

Darry remembers telling Ponyboy about Soda. Pony had sat on the edge of the couch, already planning to run. Because they didn't have conversations like this. Only the one conversation they shouldn't have begins like this.

Ponyboy had bolted out of the house and screamed across the front yard.

OoO

Darry was right. Pony wants to go down with Sodapop. "You want me to run? I can't run."

"I do," Darry says.

Normally, Darry would never run. He's not a coward, but Darry's desperate. His family's whittled down to two. He'd go in Pony's place if he could. He should have gone in Soda's.

"The war's almost over," Ponyboy says in a slow stilt. "Maybe if I go to basic training by the time it comes—"

"No, Ponyboy," Darry says. "You have got to leave."

"But—but what about you?"

"Don't worry about me."

Pony shakes his head, his face scrunches up. "I won't leave you. I won't go and I won't run. I'll figure something out."

Stretching an arm out, Darry says, "Oh, kiddo…"

"I don't want to leave you, Darry. I ain't afraid to die. I just don't want to leave you."

"C'mere." Darry hugs him. Ponyboy stops talking.

OoO

Darry remembers the swap that happened. Before they got the MIA letter, Pony was there. Upbeat and waiting for Sodapop. After it came, Pony disappeared. Darry figures this is his punishment for not being aware of his existing brother, for being so consumed in grief, he had blinders on.

OoO

Darry will always remember himself. Locking his bedroom door and just staring at the knob. Wishing it were him instead of Soda. Hearing Ponyboy crying through the thin walls. Darry stopped talking to his parents a long time ago. He never thought he should start again.

OoO

He talks to people who can keep secrets. Where he should send his brother, tactics to get him out of service, simply claiming they never got the letter. The war's almost over – he wonders why they need Ponyboy. Wonders if they can stall until it's called off.

Tim Shepherd tells Darry Canada is the best bet. "They'll treat him right over there, Darrel." "He should have no trouble comin' back when it's over. And if he does, well at least he's alive."

Darry's surprised. He had readied himself for Tim's casual disappointment. Greasers don't run. But these days, Tim is weary and drained. Angie's dead and Curly's dead. He gets how Darry feels.

Tim smokes his cigarette. "We all gotta do what we gotta do. You got one left. Keep him."

OoO

"Dinner, Pone."

"I already ate."

Darry evaluates the two empty packets of Lucky's. "You smoke your dinner?"

"I ain't hungry, Dar."

Darry bangs on the wall. "We're not doin' this again. Kitchen. Five minutes."

OoO

Darry remembers not caring about anyone other than Sodapop at that time. How he missed all the goddamn signs. After Soda went MIA, Pony lost the strength he had when Soda was simply over in Vietnam. Because at lease Soda was there. He was tangible. Sunk in his grief but barreling through it, staying with Soda meant that Darry deserted Ponyboy.

Pony didn't eat and he didn't sleep and Darry never noticed.

OoO

Darry remembers. He'll always remember Two-Bit. The day the jokes stopped coming when Darry told him about Sodapop. He also remembers Two-Bit's yell. The shout that echoed through the house when they found Ponyboy.

OoO

Two nights later, Pony doesn't come home. Darry tries to read. Paces. He calls Two-Bit and his friend comes over. He overreacts these days but Ponyboy always comes home. Especially since Soda's been gone.

But Darry thinks of Pony's fragile state, how he lost his mind six months ago, and worries. Two-Bit picks up the phone and dials. He listens a beat, hangs up, and says, "Randle."

OoO

Darry remembers. He remembers Steve coming back a junkie. An invisible needle still stuck in his arm when he climbed off that plane. How Steve, glassy-eyed and stoned, railed against invisible forces, blaming and hating and cursing. Ponyboy had shrunk back, confused and not getting it. Steve couldn't speak his best friend's name. Now it's just a whisper.

OoO

When they find him, he's just sitting there, on a worn and tattered couch, watching Steve shoot up with whatever shit he puts in his veins. Darry says his brother's name but Pony barely sees them. He doesn't move.

So he doesn't kill him, Darry sticks his hands in his pockets, asks Steve what his brother took.

"Nothin," Steve grunts and his eyes go dark with the drug. "Ain't took a damn thing. Should have though. Make him feel a lot better."

Two-Bit calls Steve an idiot and squats next to him. Looks over the needles and the spoons spread out on the table.

Steve's still a friend. A friend they can't help. Darry doesn't blame him for what he does. But that doesn't mean he wants his brother around it. They've already had the tired fight with Steve. Trying to get him to give it up. Eventually they gave up. Steve fought with everyone. Now they're just there when they can be.

"It should have been me," a voice says and Darry realizes it's Ponyboy. "It should have been me. Not Soda."

"And it will be you," Steve says. "If you take that ride, it'll be you, kid. Don't worry about that."

"Shut the fuck up," Two-Bit says. "Just shut up, Randle."

"Just two left. And then there's me. And let's face it, I may not be around long either."

"Stop it with your bullshit," Darry says to Steve. He pulls Ponyboy up, off the couch, and wraps an arm around him. Numb, Ponyboy sways; the thousand-yard stare from six months ago is back. Darry wants to slap him, to knock him out of it but he can't. Not here. Not now.

Two-Bit stands and reaches for the kid and Darry passes his brother over to Two-Bit. He lets him take Ponyboy away. Out of that house.

Steve raises his head, speaks. "Can you picture that kid holding a gun, let alone firin' one? Nah. I don't, Darrel. I picture him bleeding long before he shoots a Gook. Dying just like his brother. Except this time you'll get a body back. This time he'll come home."

"Clean yourself up, Steve," Darry says. "For Soda if nothing else."

Steve chokes out a guttural laugh. "For Soda. That used to mean something to me, Darrel. Not anymore. Never again."

Steve flips a lighter on, raises a spoon, and Darry leaves.

OoO

Darry remembers the day he actually saw it. Ponyboy sitting in Darry's recliner, staring at a book. Not reading, just staring. The eyes, glazed and vapid. His cheeks hollow and flushed. Darry had frowned, asked Pony if he wanted dinner.

Mute, Pony shook his head. He didn't say anything, just turned the page. It was the first time Darry wondered if he should be worried.

OoO

Darry gets Pony home and talks to him. Two-Bit stays too. He always stays. The one dependable person in Darry's life and how he'll thank him Darry doesn't know.

"It shouldn't have been you, Pony," Darry says. "It never should have been Soda either. It's a shit life, kiddo, and I'm so damn sorry."

Ponyboy stares at his hands until Darry glances at Two-Bit, glances back at his brother and says, "Ponyboy, do you understand?"

"Kid. Please." Two-Bit snaps his fingers and something like life flickers in Ponyboy's eyes.

"I hear you," Pony says.

That's not the answer Darry wants.

OoO

_Pardon typos._

_This will probably be very short. Maybe three chapters. __This idea has been in my head a while. Some parts may be slightly farfetched and/or improbable (hopefully not though) but I really wanted to write this anyway. _

_I hope you're okay with that. _

_XO,_

_Feisty_


	2. Chapter 2

_You have no idea how painful it was for me to write this story. Normally, I avoid Vietnam fics. They hurt my heart too much. But this is just a bit different. You'll see._

OoO

It's only been two weeks. Darry thinks of his options. He knows the card he could really pull. And if it comes down to it he will use it. He just doesn't want to hurt his brother like that. Not if Ponyboy can run.

OoO

Darry remembers sandwiches in the trash. Missed dinners. Late nights. Ponyboy running frantic around the track until the soles of his shoes cracked. Pony asking if Soda would call. Darry cut his hours at work and tried to talk. Pony skipped his graduation and sat on the back porch re-reading Sodapop's letters. His green eyes going dim and vacant.

OoO

Sitting on the hood of Darry's truck, Ponyboy smokes. He sighs as Darry approaches. "I'm okay, Dar. I'm not gonna do it again."

"I know that. Pony. We need to talk about—"

"I don't want to think about that, Dar." He rubs his face. "I can't or I'll go crazy."

It's that word that makes Darry wince. Still, he says, "We need to plan something."

"I don't want to plan anything. I ain't going."

Darry evaluates his youngest brother. The tight jaw, the paleness. But there's also fire in his eyes and for that Darry's thankful.

OoO

Darry remembers twelve months ago Sodapop got drafted. Six months ago they got the letter.

Then three months ago, he remembers Ponyboy, pitched forward over the end of the bed like a floppy ragdoll, eyes closed, barely breathing. Two-Bit was already on the phone, hoarsely screaming at the person on the other end. Pony was unresponsive and Darry remembers how light his brother was in his arms. He didn't eat and he didn't sleep and Darry never noticed.

Starved, they all were.

OoO

He gets home late one night and the light's still burning underneath Ponyboy's closed bedroom door. Darry takes off his jacket, drapes his tool belt across a chair and goes to see his brother.

He knocks once and then lets himself him. The room's a thick mess of smoke, Ponyboy curled up at his desk, some book in front of him. "Jesus," Darry says. "At least open the window if you're going to do that in here, Pony." He's given up trying to fight Pony smoking in the house; what nerves his brother needs to settle, Darry will let him.

"I just want things to go back," Pony announces suddenly. He stamps his smoke out. "Me. Steve. Especially Soda."

"It hasn't been easy, I know that, kiddo." Darry sits on the edge of the bed and rubs palms across the thighs of his dirty jeans. "I haven't been there and I'm sorry."

"But you were," Pony says. He wipes his face. "I feel like we let Soda down. I did everything wrong."

"You didn't. Hell, Pony, you were stronger than I was."

Pony swallows thickly. "No. Never."

OoO

Darry remembers the doctors. Depression, exhaustion, catatonia; all the medical terms they threw at Darry. He didn't want those. He just wanted to take his sick brother home. The doctors forced Pony to eat in the hospital. Liquid food in his veins.

Pony didn't talk to anyone. Pony didn't care. He didn't care about anyone other than Sodapop, and there was an awful time when Darry wondered if the person he loved the most, who was out of his mind, would make it back.

OoO

Darry remembers coming home after the hospital and seeing Two-Bit at their kitchen table. Two-Bit was crying. And Darry couldn't remember seeing his friend cry in a long, long time. Not since the night when Johnny and Dallas died. Darry looked for a beer can but found nothing. Two-Bit was sober. After a long time, after Darry put Ponyboy to bed, started a load of laundry, and unpacked pill bottles, Two-Bit finally spoke.

"I said a bad thing once, Darry. A long time ago, I said we could get along without anyone except Johnny. But I was so wrong. Soda, Pony – all of us – we're all just fucked."

All Darry could do was watch as Two-Bit sobbed.

OoO

They meet for lunch. "You gonna break his legs or am I gonna?" Two-Bit asks.

"Jesus," Darry says, stunned that it's gotten to this point. That it's an actual consideration. "He'll go away," Darry says.

"You sure 'bout that, Superman? Your little brother can be awfully stubborn when he wants to be."

"I'll make him."

Darry thinks about the ticket to Canada he's ready to buy. The house where Pony can go. The people he's contacted. It hurts him. It will kill him to do this but Darry will do it.

"I'll tell him tomorrow," Darry says.

OoO

He doesn't get the chance.

Ponyboy is crying in the living room when Darry gets home. Darry hovers, unsure, scared, when Pony finally explains, "It's wrong. They were wrong. They don't need me." He jabs a fist out and Darry takes the letter clenched inside. Fate and hope have finally intervened. For once in Darry's life, it's worked out and he's so damn thankful.

Darry sits in the chair. The notice was a mistake. Sheer relief hits him. Safe. Pony's safe and whole. They don't have to hide him and they don't have to hurt him. Because Darry would have. One way or another. He'd make him live.

He reaches for his youngest brother.

OoO

The next day when Ponyboy is out, Darry calls just to make sure the letter's correct. The man on the other end of the line gives him the answer he wants.

"I'm glad for you," the office says. "Mistakes like that don't come often. It must be a good feeling."

Darry thinks he could use more mistakes like that in his life. He hangs up the phone and covers his face.

OoO

Darry remembers Ponyboy sleeping for ages. Darry would go to work and come home and his little brother would still be asleep in bed. Sometimes Two-Bit would be there, talking low and soft, but Darry doubted Ponyboy heard anything. Darry made him take the medicine. Ponyboy barely blinked.

OoO

He doesn't do this very much but he needs to do it now. The pew's uncomfortable but Darry doesn't care. He closes his eyes and he thanks whoever is out there for listening for once in his life.

OoO

When he tells Two-Bit, Two-Bit just laughs. Long and hard. "Whew, man," he says, clutching at his stomach. "We should have a party. Celebrate this shit."

Darry lets out a chuckle.

"Lucky, lucky," Two-Bit says with a goofy smile. "Lord we're lucky."

OoO

Pony enrolls in college for the next semester. Darry makes him. He tries to look happy but Darry's wary. Though his brother is safe, he still worries about Ponyboy's mind. But Pony's careful to eat every bit of food on his plate. Two-Bit comes by to take him to the movies and Darry doesn't remember hearing so many jokes cracked within a ten-minute period.

OoO

Darry remembers a month passing before Ponyboy spoke to anyone. In the end, it's Darry who got him to talk because it's Darry who started yelling. He still saw the bony ribs, the paleness, and knew Ponyboy had been lying. And so Darry hollered. Threatened. He did this every day for a week until Ponyboy finally yelled back. Screamed until a neighbor called the cops. Darry didn't care. It was the most fight Darry had seen in his brother since he'd been sick. Darry pushed back just as hard, the entire time thanking God that his brother was still there. Somewhere.

OoO

Tim Shepherd calls Darry at the shop and tells him he's seen his brother and Steve Randle paling around. "Not sure what's goin on," Tim grunts. "But I thought you'd like to know."

Darry sure would.

OoO

He catches Steve exiting the house. Pony has both arms wrapped across the front of his chest. He's not as thin as he used to be but he's still wasted. "Let me see your arms," Darry commands as he strides up the porch.

Steve smirks and watches as Ponyboy shows Darry unmarked whiteness. "Thinkin' I'd go and be a bad influence on your little brother?" Steve says.

"Christ, Darry," Pony snaps. He goes inside and slams the door.

"What're you doin with him, Steve?" Darry asks.

"Maybe you should ask him," Steve says. "Ask your brother." He blinks and his hands shake, needing a fix. Steve glances at the ground and then eyes Darry. "Goddamn, he looks like Soda."

OoO

Darry remembers Two-Bit. How he stopped by every day to check on Ponyboy. He brought books and food and beer. He told him stories and jokes. He sat with Ponyboy when Darry couldn't. He's the one who finally got Ponyboy to finish an entire sandwich. The one who took Ponyboy outside on the porch to smoke a cigarette.

He's a damn good friend. Two-Bit loves the kid. Darry knows that.

OoO

"I don't want you hanging out with Steve," Darry tells Pony later that night.

"Why not? He's our friend. He needs help."

Darry's not stupid. Ponyboy's trying to cling to something Soda had. To feel close to his brother. But Steve is not the Steve they knew. And Darry doesn't want Ponyboy to pick up another bad habit.

"You know we tried, Ponyboy. You know that."

Anger floods Ponyboy's face. "He's going to die. Just like Soda. And we're just going to let him?"

"Ponyboy…" Darry sits next to his brother on the couch and touches his knee. He's become a patient listener this last year. Soda wouldn't know what to think. "You can't fix everyone."

"I thought—"

"What?" Darry asks. "What, Ponyboy?"

"I thought it'd get better. But nothing's changed. Everything still hurts."

Darry looks at his brother's tired face. This is what gets Ponyboy into trouble. He doesn't want to feel so he just stops. "You gotta be strong for me," Darry says. "You got that, kiddo? I'm keepin' you, you know?"

Darry smiles and Ponyboy tries to.

OoO

Darry remembers the question. "Where's Soda?" Pony had asked one morning.

The cup of coffee about to reach Darry's lips had halted. "Ponyboy," Darry had reminded. "You know where Soda is." Talking to his brother like this had scared Darry more than anyone could have imagined.

Ponyboy had nodded assent and then poured himself a bowl of cereal. He picked up a spoon and took two bites. Darry remembers counting those bites.

He counted the strange questions too.

OoO

He stops after work to grab a drink with some of the guys he works with. Darry drains his beer, laughs at a few jokes, and when he's on his third he starts wondering what he's doing. His brother's at home alone. If he's had dinner, Darry doesn't know. If he's made it home at all.

Darry stands, spilling his half-filled beer across the table. Someone asks him what's wrong as he dabs at the foamy liquid with a pile of napkins. "I gotta go," is all he says.

OoO

Ponyboy's on the couch, curled up with a blanket. The heart in Darry's chest slows its frantic beat.

He can't help it. He knows he should. That he's overly obsessed with this protection. But it's for Soda as much as Darry. Once Ponyboy is no longer fuzzy, will Darry relax. Breathe easy.

Ponyboy stirs on the couch and then sits up in a mess of blankets. He blinks at Darry and stifles a yawn. His eyes are big and green and young. "You want to watch TV with me?"

Darry swallows. Statements like this – Ponyboy asking about the time, about Soda – are dangerous. Because they're tinged with confusion. Before Darry can worry any more, Ponyboy flashes a sleepy smile. "Dar, you comin?"

Darry clears his throat. "Yeah, kiddo. I am."

OoO

Darry remembers Steve on Second Avenue. His brother's best friend getting high in an alleyway next to a Woolworth's. Darry had slowed the truck to watch and when he passed the sick feeling in his stomach was back.

They've tried. Two-Bit and Darry both have but Steve just spits and swears. The only one who possibly could talk sense is gone.

OoO

A month passes. They still don't talk about their missing brother. Not yet. They're closer than close but they can't share Sodapop. It hurts too much. Darry knows Ponyboy still holds out hope because he keeps seeing the letters go out in the mail.

Ponyboy just stares. Picks at his food. Smokes. He does his homework but it's with meager effort.

OoO

One night, Pony snaps. He throws his pen down. "I can't do this. I can't concentrate."

Darry lowers his paper. "Just do your best, Pony. Focus on school. Focus on yourself."

Pony shakes his head, frustrated. "You're too nice, Darry. I mean, hell, you don't even yell at me anymore."

"I got nothin to yell at you about."

Pony takes a breath and glances at the ceiling. "Yeah. Right." But he picks up his pen.

OoO

Darry finds an uneaten sandwich in the trash and loses it.

Darry doesn't even knock.

Wide-eyed, Pony glances up from his book. He says, "Stop lookin' at me like that. I'm here ain't I?"

Silently, Darry counts to ten before he says, "You know the deal, kiddo." Ponyboy's jaw tightens in a way that Darry knows he'll fight with him.

"I don't care about any of that anymore," Ponyboy says. "I'm done, Dar."

Darry knows his brother has been through so much. More than any kid should experience. But he won't have this. He won't have Ponyboy sink. "We got cut a break with that letter of yours," Darry says in a hard voice. "And I expect you to stick around. You goddamn got that?"

Ponyboy tells him to get out.

OoO

The next day, while Darry's at work, a young man takes a taxi home.

In an instant, everything will change.

OoO

_BAM._

_Reviews are oh so groovy._

_XO,_

_Feisty_


	3. Chapter 3

_He's baaaaaaaaaaaaack._

OoO

Soda's standing in the living room.

At first, Darry thinks it's Ponyboy. Tall, wiry, the side profile thoughtful. But then Soda frowns, his dark eyes crinkling, and no one has eyes that dark. Darry drops his thermos. Presses back against the door and wills his knees not to buckle. "Jesus Christ."

"You son-of-a-bitch," Soda says. And when he speaks that's when Darry really thinks he will fall over. A voice Darry's almost forgotten. Shaky, yet firm. Soda stands tall in his uniform. He's frowning, his face screwed up into an angry mask. "Where've you been, Dar? I've been writin and writin and there's been nothing. I was startin to think something was really wrong."

Furious, Soda strides across the room and shoves his brother. Darry hits the door. Soda shoves him again. "So what the fuck was it? Huh? What in the hell, Darry? What's going on around here?"

He keeps hitting Darry until Darry grabs Soda's fists.

OoO

He tells his brother about the MIA letter and Soda's eyes get wide and then wider. The anger floats away and there's the boy Darry used to know. Darry pulls him in for a hug. He doesn't let him go for a long, long time.

OoO

They stand in the middle of the living room, frozen in the moment. Darry doesn't want to let him go in case it's all a dream. But when they pull away, Soda's still there. He's alive.

"I don't understand any of this," Soda says, sounding dazed.

"I don't either," Darry says. "But we'll figure it out."

_Home_, Darry thinks. _He's home_.

It's a mix-up. Another one. Blessed or cursed, Darry doesn't know, but he'll take it. Soda tries to apologize for thinking Darry and Pony would stop writing but Darry tells him it doesn't matter. His brother is back.

Soda looks the same but there are little things Darry notices. Still lean, Soda's more muscular, his hair cropped short. There's tiredness in his eyes, an edginess. What else, Darry will have to wait and see. But right now, for the time being, Soda is here.

Darry asks, "How are you, Sodapop?"

Soda blinks, like he hadn't expected Darry to be so candid.

"I'm okay. I _will_ be okay," Soda amends, giving him a tight smile. He glances around the house and lets out a small laugh. "Still looks the same in here. So thank god for that."

"We missed you so damn much," Darry says, grabbing his brother's arm. He can't let go. Not now.

"I missed _you_," Soda says. "I coulda used you over there, Darry. Big time."

OoO

Darry remembers a ten-year-old Sodapop. Limping home from taking a spill on his bike. Knee skinned and bloodied. Darry and Ponyboy watched from the porch as their mother met Soda on the sidewalk. She had knelt down to inspect the injury and Darry remembers his brother, Sodapop saying, "Don't worry. Nothing bad happened, ma. I got out of it."

OoO

Soda looks around the messy house and asks, "Where's Pony?"

"Soda…" Darry starts. He's forgotten about Ponyboy. Again.

Soda, seeing his brother's face, pales. "What?"

"Let's go sit down—"

"No," Soda says, reading Darry's expression. They all wear that same expression when it comes to their youngest brother. Instead of backing up, Soda steps forward.

"No. What is it? What's happened to him?"

There're too many levels to Soda being home. Darry doesn't know where to begin. Grateful, thankful, Darry needs time to catch up. To hear Soda's story, to tell him about the past year without him. To track down the mistake with the letter, why they haven't received Soda's letters. Yet there's also explanation about so many painful things.

Ponyboy, for one.

Darry hadn't counted on Sodapop coming home to this.

Soda says, "God damn it, tell me."

OoO

Before Darry can get into any of it, Ponyboy appears like a wraith, coming through the back door only to stop and stare. His green eyes so wide, so child-like, Darry's heart hurts.

"What is this?" Pony asks. His voice cracks. He looks between his two brothers, unsure. "What—"

Soda takes a tentative step forward. He can see something is wrong; the magnitude of his sudden appearance, so Soda keeps his distance even though Darry knows he wants to launch himself at their youngest brother.

Soda flashes that bright white smile that got him out of so many tough spots. "Pony, I'm home. I promised you, didn't I?"

"Is this a joke?" Pony asks Darry. He starts to shake.

Soda frowns. Darry hasn't had time to tell him about what's happened to Ponyboy's mind.

"No, kiddo," Darry says, moving closer, hand out. He's seen the signs, the sway. He also knows the shock of this. Darry's legs had almost buckled seeing Soda standing in the living room. He can't imagine what Ponyboy's thinking.

Ponyboy takes a step backwards. "I can't – I can't—"

Darry reaches. Reaches out. "It's not a joke. Come here and I'll explain."

There's no answer. Darry watches as Ponyboy's head lolls and his eyes roll back to whites and the thinness of his youngest brother topples.

OoO

Darry picks up Ponyboy and holds him. And a frantic Soda's asking Darry what's wrong? What's wrong with him? What happened when I was gone? And it's awful because Darry has to tell Sodapop the truth.

OoO

They talk. Long and low into the night. Darry tells Sodapop about their brother. About Pony's fragile mental state after the MIA letter came and then Pony's mistaken draft notice. Soda's face gets white, his jaw jumping with each new admission.

Darry tells Soda what he almost had to do to keep him Ponyboy home from the war. Soda keeps shaking his head, no, no, and when Darry gets to the part about the hospital, about the strange questions, Soda can't keep it together.

"We just can't have it fuckin' easy for once, can we?" he bites out before standing to pour himself a drink.

"I forgot about him. I just forgot about him, Sodapop." Darry rubs his face. The admission a relief. "I wasn't there and I almost lost both of you."

Soda takes a shaky breath. He turns away from Darry, his shoulders rigid. "He'll be okay. I'm back now. I'll take care of him."

Darry hears the unspoken accusation.

OoO

Darry remembers the nightmares Ponyboy would have when Sodapop was gone. How Ponyboy would scream for Soda, twisting beneath white sheets. All Darry wanted to do was give him his brother back. Then Pony would wake, yell for Darry and Darry would go to him. He wasn't as good as Soda but he was there.

He tried to be.

OoO

Darry doesn't call anyone that first night. Not Steve or Two-Bit. Pony sleeps deep and won't wake up, not even with Soda there. Sleeps like he did when he was in the hospital. Oblivious to everything, thin and pale.

Soda sits in a chair beside Ponyboy's bed and cries.

OoO

Morning and the house is yellowed from the sun.

This time, Ponyboy is awake and crying when Darry enters the bedroom. Deep, choking sobs that make the room harder to bear. Soda's sitting close, practically on top of him. Soda's in jeans and an old DX shirt, his army days gone in one change of clothes.

Darry strains to hear what Pony is saying.

"I just want you to be okay. I want you to be okay."

Soda takes Ponyboy's hands and pulls him in. "Christ, Pony, I am. I'm here and I'm – I _will_ be okay. I'm back with you now and I ain't going nowhere."

"I'm sorry," Ponyboy says.

Soda takes him into a hug. "For what? You have nothing to be sorry for." He runs a hand down Pony's bony back and winces at the protruding spine. He shoots Darry a look and why it's angry Darry can only imagine.

"I wrote you all the time."

"I know you did, kiddo."

"I'm sorry for what happened when you were gone."

Soda closes his eyes and squeezes their brother. "Don't. Don't."

OoO

He places the phone calls.

Two-Bit comes right over.

"I can't believe this," Two-Bit keeps repeating after he and Soda have had their hugs, jumped around like little kids in the living room. Soda's grinning, a real smile; if anyone can make him grin, it's Two-Bit.

Two-Bit runs a hand through his hair. "Jesus, man." He smiles at Darry. "He's back. How about that?"

"You see the kid?" Two-Bit asks after a quick glance around the empty room.

"Yeah, I saw him," Soda says quickly. "He's still sleepin'." Darry watches Sodapop, hears how his voice becomes protective at the mention of Ponyboy.

Two-Bit's eyes flick to Darry, getting it.

Soda clears his throat and asks, "Steve comin' over?" It confuses Soda that Steve is not there, Darry can see that.

"I didn't tell him," Darry says before Two-Bit can say anything. "Not with Ponyboy…not after last night."

Two-Bit pulls out a chair and says, "Soda, listen…"

OoO

Fired up, Sodapop makes Darry take him to see his best friend. Soda doesn't say much on the drive over and Darry stays in the car when he goes inside. Darry waits. He waits 20 minutes and when Soda comes back out he's red-faced. He crawls inside the cab of the truck and slams the door. Darry lets the engine idle. Soda smears a hand across his face. He looks so hurt, so angry; Darry knows the feeling. They've all experienced it with Steve. "I don't fuckin' believe him," Soda says finally looking at his brother. "I don't believe this. I don't even think he knew I was there."

Soda pounds the dashboard. "Fuckin drive, Dar."

OoO

Darry feels for Soda. His brother's first day home and it's been shot to hell pretty damn fast with the revelations about Ponyboy and Steve. Darry never imagined it would be like this. He pictured Sodapop coming home and dealing with Vietnam. Instead, Soda came home to deal with his wrecked friends and family.

It's a raw deal.

OoO

When they get back to the house, Soda makes a beeline for Ponyboy. Pony's in the kitchen, his homework spread across the table. Pony raises his head and says, "You're back," like he's surprised.

Soda freezes.

Darry, following at the distance, lingers in the doorway. "You saw him today, Ponyboy. This morning?"

"No, I know," Ponyboy says quietly. "I know that."

Soda scoots into a chair, gripping Ponyboy's forearm. He keeps his voice light. "What do you say about me frying up some eggs for dinner? I'll make 'em green for you, kiddo."

"Oh, Soda," Ponyboy says. "You shouldn't have to do that." He rolls the pencil between long, shaky fingers. "I ain't really hungry anyway."

Darry watches. Just watches.

OoO

He doesn't go to work the next day. Instead, he drives down to the base. He wants answers. Two mistakes, fortunate ones in a way, still wrecked their world. Darry wants to know how this could have happened.

After waiting for nearly three hours to speak with someone, finally Darry sits in a hot office and watches as a sergeant pulls files, stacks paper, and it's easy to see how something would get botched. How it'd get lost. He stays finds out the mix-up was with the hospital charts. While the HQ thought Soda was MIA, he was alive out on the field with his squad. The letters Soda had kept writing had been pulled and bagged, Ponyboy's getting intercepted by HQ .

The officer sits back with a sigh. "I'm sorry for all this, son. We royally fucked it up."

Darry pulls his hands into fists, knuckles cracking.

The man leans back and evaluates Darry. He chews his lip then says, "I can do one thing for you." Rifling around he pulls Soda's file and opens it. He pulls out a big stamp, inks it and then stamps the file with HONORABLE DISCHARGE.

"I can do that for you," the sergeant says. "He can stay home."

Darry can't say anything. He just looks at his fists.

OoO

Darry remembers the first person he ever punched out of anger. Jason Miller, talking shit on the football field about Darry's play, how he casually tossed in some comment about Darry's brothers, and that was it. Jason went down. Darry will never forget his first swing, the fist against teeth contact. Blood that streamed from his knuckles. How they scabbed over, a lingering reminder of what he could do.

OoO

When Darry shows Soda the discharge paperwork, Soda traces a finger across the red stamped emboss.

OoO

Now that they're both under his roof, Darry doesn't know what to do. Coming home should have been the best thing for Sodapop but there are too many changes and surprises. Soda's angry. Darry sees it.

He's different too. Not as bad as Darry would have thought but that casual indifference Soda used to have is gone. His smile a bit stiffer, his cheeriness diminished.

And then there's Ponyboy. He holds himself at a distance. Darry still catches those moments, where his brother looks stunned. Like he's lost in a crowd. Afraid to get close. Not sure what he's seeing, that Soda really _is_ there. Darry thought Pony would snap back, but he's the hardest to crack.

Pony goes to school and that's it. When he comes home, he either sticks to Soda or shuts himself up in his room until Darry reminds him about dinner.

Soda just watches their brother. Speaks to Pony in a low and soft voice. When Pony smiles Soda looks like he's just won the lottery. When Darry and Ponyboy talk, Darry can feel Sodapop watching them.

Darry has both of his brothers again and he revisits what he lost when Soda left. Losing it nearly cost him so much.

OoO

He's been back for nearly three weeks when Soda begins to talk. Darry hasn't pressured but he's ready to listen. Soda drinks a cold beer, Darry too.

Soda tells Darry how it was. How he kept seeing the bodies fall and scream. His voice isn't detached or numb like Ponyboy's but it is awed. Like he can't believe he was there.

"I kept wondering when it would be my turn," Soda says. "Because there were just so damn many. But every day I made it through, I just kept thinkin' what-if? What if I actually make it back?"

Darry's a strong man but he has to keep his grip on the beer can so he doesn't lose it.

Soda rubs his jaw. "I had to shoot people over there, Dar. And they _were_ people."

"I know, Sodapop."

"My god, Dar, the things I did. I _killed_ people. I really killed them. Someone's parents. I killed them. I saw 'em die too. My friends. Little kids, even. Nothin was good over there, Darry. Nothin."

His stomach doing a flip-flop, Darry says, "It was your job, Sodapop. And you did it and you came home. No one can fault you for it. I'm damn proud of you."

Soda grimaces. He takes a sip of his beer. Glances at the bedroom door when there's a noise. Ponyboy in the hallway. The bathroom door shuts. Soda lowers his voice.

"I know what you're thinkin', Darry. But I am okay." He gives a hard chuckle. "Haunted, sure, but I ain't like those other guys. I ain't like Steve. I'd never leave you and Ponyboy. I fuckin' fought hard to come back."

The strength in Soda's voice has Darry marveling. Throughout the last year, Soda's been the strongest one of the three, which is what probably brought him home.

Soda shoots Darry a dark and pointed look. "Now we gotta get _him_ back. We gotta fix him."

Darry drains his beer. He gets it. He really does. He just wonders when Soda will say it.

OoO

Soda insists on a job. He goes back to the DX. Darry understands. Days filled with memories, he needs something to take the edge off. Normalcy. And while Soda seems like he's faring as best as he can, Darry will sometimes still catch that dark look. But he's okay and functional. All his limbs in one piece.

OoO

"Are you sad to be back?"

Darry nearly spills his cup of coffee on his pants. Two-Bit, who's hanging out to give Sodapop a ride into work, jumps and swears under his breath. Soda looks over at Ponyboy who's quietly entered the living room. "What, kiddo?"

"Are you sad you're back? I would be. It's not what you remembered."

Soda gives Darry a glance and then is up off the couch and moving to Ponyboy. Darry watches, wary. Pony's talking strange again. Like he used to, before he lost it. This isn't what Darry wants. Not when things were pulling together.

But Soda hasn't lost that connection with his youngest brother. He puts both hands on the side of Ponyboy's face and says, "I'm not sad, kiddo. I'm so fucking happy to be home with you. You got that? You gotta know how much I love you."

Pony nods and Soda says, "It is different but it'll be better. I swear to god."

"Darry?" Pony asks, wanting confirmation.

"He's right, kiddo," Darry says. "It'll be okay."

"C'mere, kid," Two-Bit says, making for the front door. "Let's go have a smoke."

Pony's mouth quirks up in a smile and he follows Two-Bit outside. Soda brings a fist to his mouth and breathes.

OoO

One night, Soda stays on the porch. He skips dinner and when Darry finds him, he's leaning against the railing, surrounded by a thick cloud of white smoke. "You okay, Sodapop?"

"No," he replies. "I ain't okay, Darry. Not by a long shot." Slowly, he turns around and says, "I don't want to blame you. But I do."

"I know." Darry's known it for a while in fact. He could see it in Soda's face – his brother disappointed by the way he's handled things. Darry wishes he had more to give Sodapop, instead of the dysfunctional life his brother came back to.

"I mean, what happened, Darry? Christ. He's a fuckin' mess."

"I wasn't there," Darry says. "I should have been. I'm sorry, Soda."

"I'm sorry too. I counted on you, Darry. Pony needed you. And maybe it's not fair but, but hell, you always had us together before." Soda runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "I know it's been hard for everyone."

"Soda, I never wanted you to come home to this. As hard as it's been on me, I can't imagine what you've been through."

"This is just as hard," Soda says." He shakes his head. "We'll be okay. I'm just really pissed right now."

Soda's got that right. They all do.

OoO

_One more chapter to go. _

_Thanks for reading and reviewing. They make me happy._

_XO,_

_Feisty _


	4. Chapter 4

OoO

Darry hears it on the radio at work first. A bad day in Vietnam. He instantly clocks out and drives home.

He finds Ponyboy sitting on the couch watching the footage, listening as reporters rattle off death tolls and stats of the MIA and POW. Darry doesn't tell Ponyboy to turn the TV off; instead, he sits in his recliner until Ponyboy lets out a soft sigh and turns it off.

"Pony?" Darry says. He doesn't need to tell his brother he shouldn't be watching that. Pony knows. He'd do it anyway.

Ponyboy just presses fingertips into his eyes and tells Darry he has an English paper to write.

OoO

Soda gets home from work and Darry asks if he's heard the news.

"Sure I heard it. Where is he?"

"He's in his room."

Soda takes his DX cap off, fans the air. "Two-Bit wants me to go grab a drink with him."

"You should. You should go out." Especially tonight, Darry wants to add but doesn't. Soda's eyes move to Ponyboy's closed bedroom door and Darry says, "He's okay, Soda."

Soda gives a curt nod, says, "I'll tell him where I'm going," and moves to the bedroom.

OoO

He has a nightmare and Darry goes.

"What if it's not real?" Pony says when Darry gets him to calm down. "What if he has to go back? What if Soda—"

"He's not," Darry reassures. "You can't worry. Make yourself sick like this."

"I ain't sick."

"You know what I mean."

"I just don't want him to go away again. I don't want him to die."

"He isn't going anywhere," Darry says. "I haven't done much for you, Ponyboy, but I promise you this. Soda's home. For good."

Ponyboy lets Darry hug him.

OoO

Darry remembers when he wasn't good at giving hugs. Before his parents died, he never really hugged his brothers. Slung an arm around their shoulder maybe, sometimes serious, sometimes mock fighting with Soda. Jestful punches landed on arms. After his parents died, his hugs were awkward. Especially with Ponyboy, straining against Darry with the relationship they had. A relationship that was long ago.

Now he's an expert at it.

OoO

Pony's working on some homework at the kitchen table. An untouched sandwich sits next to him. "Did you have lunch today?" Darry asks. Almost unconsciously, they resume their familiar habit, the one they had without Sodapop.

"I did. On campus." Pony sets his pencil down. Soda watches Darry carefully.

"You still should have dinner."

"It's too early for dinner."

"Well, then wrap it up and save it for later."

"Fine. I will." Pony's green eyes flash.

"You gotta keep up with it, Pony. You know, you really need to—"

"You don't have to talk to him like he's crazy," Soda snaps. "Because he ain't."

Darry sighs. "Soda, he just needs to—"

"You've done enough. Leave him alone." Soda's jaw is tight. It's a different Sodapop Curtis sitting at the table. An angry, resentful one that's because of Darry.

"Jesus," Ponyboy says to both his brothers. "I'll eat, okay?" He picks up the sandwich.

OoO

After the conversation with Pony and the scene in the kitchen, Darry tries to give them space. Ponyboy relies on him too much and unsure how to act around Sodapop walks on eggshells. Pony and Soda both need to talk to each other. Nothing good comes from keeping it inside, Darry knows this.

OoO

"I see you got 'em back," Tim bites out, when Darry meets him for a drink. "Both of 'em. How's Soda doin'?"

"Better than I am."

Tim snorts. "Ain't that the goddamn truth." He raises a finger, gesturing for a refill. He's on this third glass of whiskey and he's got a loose tongue. "You know, that young one of yours was always good for Curly. Kept him out of trouble."

"When they hung out," Darry adds.

Tim laughs. "Yeah. When they hung out. Sure wish that was still the case." Tim looks at the ice cubes in his glass. "I'm glad for you. Someone in this shit town had good luck for once in their life."

The waitress sets down the drink. Tim says, "It's just me now, Darrel. And believe me, you don't want to be the last one standing. It goddamn kills."

Tim drains his drink.

OoO

Darry hears them one night, hovering near their cracked bedroom door. It doesn't take him long to figure out what they're talking about.

"Don't worry about me, Ponyboy. I'm here you got that?"

"I don't know."

"What? What don't you know?" Soda asks.

"I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just hurtin' everybody. I can't do anything right. I'm not sick like…like last time but sometimes I think I still am."

"No, you ain't. It's not like last time, Ponyboy." There's a deep breath and then, "Why? Why would you even do that to yourself?"

"I just wanted Darry to be happy. I didn't want him to worry. I wanted you to come home."

"You coulda died. You almost did."

"I didn't care about that."

"Oh, Pony. Don't say that. Don't do that to me."

"I wanted to die if you weren't here. I didn't think Darry cared."

Outside the door, Darry flinches. He covers his mouth. The admission hurts. A dangerous thing he's heard his youngest brother admit. He did this. He did this to Ponyboy.

Soda says, "Oh, kiddo, he cares. He loves you to death."

"I know. But I didn't at the time. It was stupid, I know, but I didn't mean to, Soda. I was just trying to feel something."

Silence and then—

"Don't cry, Soda. Please."

Darry places a hand on the wall to prop himself up.

OoO

Darry sees it get better. Slowly. He sees it in the way Soda isn't afraid to talk about Vietnam. How Ponyboy eyes lose their dimness. Two-Bit stops by more and more and stays longer. Soda works, Pony goes to class during the day. Soda takes Ponyboy to the movies one night and they stay out late and come home laughing.

Darry can breathe easier for now. He keeps them close and he keeps them safe.

If anyone can pull Pony from the dark, it's Soda.

OoO

Soda and Pony are smoking cigarettes out on the porch one day when Darry gets home. A six-pack of Coke and a six-pack of beer sit between their feet.

"You don't want to go in there," Pony says.

Darry looks at the two of them. "Why not?"

"Soda burnt some toast." Pony gives a crooked smile. "Surprised you couldn't smell it down at the shop, Dar."

Soda elbows Pony in the ribs. "Everyone's a comedian. Even this one." Soda glances at Darry. "We're letting it air out a bit. But not to worry, the smoke alarm test was a success."

Pony wrinkles his nose and laughs.

Darry chuckles. "I missed your cooking, Sodapop," he says. Both of his brothers look healthy and happy. Soda's eyes still have that haunted look to them but it's almost like he's back. He talks, says what's on his mind and that's the most important thing.

"I know you have." Soda smiles. "Have a beer, Darry," he says, pulling one off of the plastic ring and offering it. "Have a seat."

This is the point where Darry knows they're okay again.

OoO

It's late one night, really late, and Pony's not home. Soda peers through the blinds. He's worse than Darry these days. Two-Bit comes over and keeps up the watch too.

When the phone rings, Darry rips it from the wall.

"Darry?" comes Pony's small voice. "Can you come? I need you."

OoO

"I'm sorry," Pony automatically says when all three of them barrel up the porch. There's a slight dusting of a bruise across his cheekbone.

"I told you to stay away from him," Darry says, moving his thin brother aside as they enter the house. Pony follows at a close distance.

Soda stops and stares at Steve. Steve, wrapped in a blanket, glares. "Great, the fuckin cavalry's here."

Drug paraphernalia is spread out across the coffee table. Spoons, needles, rolling papers, but there's no drugs. The table's bare of that crucial item. In the dim light, Darry can see the forming bruise on Ponyboy's face. But Pony doesn't look hurt, in fact, he looks pissed. Which is where Darry's headed pretty damn fast.

"You hit my brother, Steve?" Darry asks, crossing his arms.

"Little shit flushed everything." He looks at Ponyboy. "I oughta kill you for that."

"Serves you right," Pony snaps. "You're an asshole."

Steve lunges and Two-Bit grabs his arm. "What're you doin', man?" He gives Steve a shake and shoves him back down on the couch. Steve sits and seethes. Two-Bit says, "You don't fuckin' touch that kid."

Darry turns to Pony. "You shouldn't be here, Ponyboy. You know what we talked about."

"But—"

"Pony," Soda says. "Darry's right. You shouldn't have been comin' here by yourself."

"Yeah," Steve says. "Talk some sense into him. If you can anymore."

"Steve…" Soda warns.

"What's wrong with you?" Ponyboy yells at Steve. Two-Bit shoots Darry a concerned look. "We're tryin to help and you just keep pushing everyone away." Pony points at Sodapop. "He's back. Can't you see that? Don't you care?"

Darry knows what Pony's doing. Trying to fix Steve. Put things back to normal. For Pony it's a step back to his old self. For Steve…well, Darry doesn't have the heart to tell Ponyboy that some things can't go back.

For a brief, very brief second, Darry thinks he sees remorse cross Steve's face. But then it hardens into a cool mask and Steve says, "Kid, get outta here before I break your fuckin brain again. You crazy little shit, get the hell away from me."

Darry keeps his eyes on his brother's face when Steve says this. Pony gets pale and his eyes die out. He rushes out of the house. Two-Bit swears and takes off after him.

"Steve," Soda says in an eerily calm voice. "I'm gonna beat the fucking shit out of you."

Steve smirks. "I barely noticed you were gone."

Darry leaves the two of them alone.

OoO

Soda comes out of the house with busted knuckles.

Two-Bit's standing in the street, bent over, palms propped on his knees. "I couldn't catch him," he huffs. "Christ, he's fuckin' fast."

Pony doesn't come home. They look for hours, until the sun rises.

OoO

Darry remembers Windrixville. One of the worst times in his life was when he drove Ponyboy away. He can still feel the heat from the slap against his palm. Can still picture Ponyboy's shocked face. His brother had run and Darry didn't blame him.

OoO

"Christ, just when he was getting okay, Steve opens his fat, fucking mouth," Soda says, running a hand over his close-cropped hair.

Soda has a white bandage around his knuckles and Darry knows the next time they see Steve he'll either be clean or dead. Darry checks his watch. It's nearing eight in the morning and they're still in clothes from the night before.

Soda's pacing the floor while Darry sits in his recliner. Darry doesn't know whether to call the cops or the hospital. He doesn't want to think about where his youngest brother is.

Darry tells Soda to go lay down.

"Darry," Soda says. "I never should have blamed you for Ponyboy. I'm sorry. I'm an asshole."

Darry chuckles. "You had a right to blame me, Soda. Hell, I blame myself."

Soda shakes his head. He stops his pacing and leans back against the wall. He smears his face in his hands. "I was just so angry and I took it out on you. But you gotta know that. It wasn't your fault. None of this. You've been a goddamned great brother and you kept us together. You kept us alive."

Darry clears his choked throat. "Soda, I—"

"He's gotta come home," Soda says, sounding all of seventeen again. "He's just gotta."

OoO

The back door finally creaks open. Ponyboy shuffles in, shaky and pale. Before Darry can do or say anything, Soda's throwing his arms around the kid.

"Where the hell have you been?" Soda asks when he pulls back. "We've been worried sick."

"I'm okay," Ponyboy says. "I just had to get out of there for a few minutes."

"It's been twelve hours, Ponyboy," Darry says. "You owe us better than that."

He expects a hollow gaze, eyes on the floor, but instead Ponyboy draws himself up and faces his brother. "You're right," he says. "You do."

OoO

In a voice livelier than Ponyboy's had for a long time, Pony tells them he's been trying to help Steve for the last couple of months. He'd go to his house and sometimes just sit, sometimes talk. Steve didn't seem to mind, he even stayed sober a couple of times, but last night was the worst. He was hopped up on something. Something mean.

Pony had gone down to the track and ran. Ran all night until he fell asleep on the bleachers. When he woke up, he came home. Came back to them.

Carefully, Darry watches his brother. Pony's eyes are bright green and clear.

"I don't want to end up like Dally or Steve, or even Johnny," Ponyboy says. "I don't."

"Oh, kiddo," Soda says. "There ain't a chance of that happening."

"I know." Pony looks at Darry. "I'm okay, now. It ain't gonna be like before."

"I know that. I know," Darry says. "You're doing good, kiddo. And I'm proud of you."

Darry has to blink fast when Ponyboy smiles and tells him thank you.

OoO

It's a Saturday morning. Soda's at the DX, picking up a shift. Darry's fixing a pot of coffee when Ponyboy's scared voice floats into the kitchen, far away and distant.

"Hey, uh, Darry, can you come here for a sec…"

When he gets onto the porch, he sees what Ponyboy's staring at. Two army officers are getting out of a Lincoln Continental. One carries two duffel bags, the other his hat under his arm.

They walk toward the house. Darry imagines awful things. They're here to take Ponyboy. The letter wasn't a mistake. Instinct kicking in, Darry pushes Ponyboy back. "Can I help you?" he asks when the two men make it to the porch.

Duffel Bag man asks, "Ponyboy Curtis?"

"That's me," Pony says at the exact same time Darry says, "What do you want with him?"

The two officers glance at each other and then offer the duffel bags to Ponyboy. Stepping up, Ponyboy takes them, confusion wrinkling his brow.

"I'm sorry they're late," the man with the hat says. "We finally tracked them down."

They turn on their heels. They get in the car and leave.

When Ponyboy opens the duffel bags and peers in, he gasps and Darry has to grip his arm to keep him steady.

OoO

Soda gets home to see Ponyboy sitting on the couch buried in letters. The rims of Ponyboy's eyes are pink.

Darry still can't believe it.

"What's goin' on?" Soda asks, hovering in the doorway. He shrugs out of his jacket.

"Here," Ponyboy says, holding out one of the bags.

Soda looks inside. "Jesus Christ," he whispers. He glances at Darry.

"I know," Darry says, smiling. "They had them all."

"I don't believe this." Soda blinks and swipes at his eyes. Darry knows the feeling.

In each bag are all the letters Ponyboy and Soda had been writing to each other despite the miscommunication. There's one filled with all of Soda's letters for Ponyboy and Darry, and one filled with all of Pony's for Soda.

Soda plops on the couch next to his brother. They just look at each other and then start laughing. Big, gut busting laughs that fill the house.

OoO

Darry remembers when they'd all gather in his room when they were kids and Soda would tell ghost stories. He'd scare Ponyboy so bad that he ended up tickling the kid to make him smile. Darry remembers his mom would pop her head in and try to shush them. But then she'd be laughing too. Soda could make anybody laugh.

Still can.

OoO

Months go by.

There's school and work. The bills. An occasional date or two. But all the while, his brothers are there.

Two-Bit comes over more than ever. Like old times. They hang out, bullshit, drink. Once, Darry tries to tell his friend thank you for being there over the last year, but the words get stuck in his throat. Two-Bit just laughs and tells him anytime.

Pony loses that forgetful look. He talks more, his words make sense. He puts the weight back on. He's happy. That's all Darry wants. Pony still sticks close to home, but Darry's okay with that. It makes him feel better too.

Soda seems to be happy at the DX. He wears his dog tags around his neck and every once in a while flashes back to someplace Darry's never been. Soda's still Soda and he can't help chase a girl or two around town.

Tim Shepard calls to tell Darry that Steve Randle's been seen over at the halfway house in downtown Tulsa. Soda hasn't spoken his best friend's name since that night at his house. Darry suspects Ponyboy still drives by, but that's only because Darry does too. He's seen his youngest brother sitting in front of the house. And though Darry's warned Pony to leave Steve alone, he's also thankful his youngest brother hasn't lost that part of him that makes him Ponyboy.

"Steve's still kickin' it," Tim says gruffly. "Hopefully shaping his sorry ass up."

Darry's glad.

He's glad for a lot of things.

OoO

_Pardon typos._

_Thanks for reading this little ditty, and the reviews. So appreciated._

_XO,_

_Feisty_


End file.
